michelle

2012-01-08T01:39:00.003+08:00

first post in 2012(:
nowadays hardly any one blogs anymore, isn't it?
hahaha. i guess i still will
just not as frequent

christmas was good
celebrations with different groups of people
the year ended well, not too bad(:

month of january
new year, new resolutions, new planning to follow
holidays ended, school started
CNY coming and cough birthday cough. hahahaha
a month where people go fat!!!!
hahaha. and those who are already fat gets fatter(:
people like me....someone will sure agree!!!
right, mr tan?

2011-10-16T15:09:00.002+08:00

haven't update for ages.long hiatus
feeling both happy and sad for the last day of hols
off course most people wouldn't mind having longer hols

and school isn't exactly the most fun thing ever
so that explains the sad part
but we're certainly happy to see our old friends again!!!(:

so anyway, i felt that this hols was the best ever.
other than working and meeting new awesome people

i personally learn a lot from every one i meet

whatever their background is, rich or poor, young or old
there is sure one thing that we can learn from them

therefore, i benefited a lot and wish to be just like them

and the most fulfilling thing this hols is that

i am more clear of what i actually want to achieve in life

and i will want to work hard towards it
believing in myself and striving towards my goal(:
so i hope everyone can find out what they want to achieve in life too!!!

2011-10-07T03:18:00.001+08:00

i need to be up in five hours time

and at this hour, i'm not doing anything

except reflection.

why reflection?
because only through reflection,
we will be able to think through and see a clearer picture.
i not sure if today i have felt that happiness when you strive and accomplished something

but i know that today, i have certainly changed from before

there are still many areas that i can work on

but at least i have put in the effort to change

and i can see the changes that makes me feel happy.

tomorrow will certainly be a better day.

no holding back, always give it your all(:

2011-09-28T00:48:00.000+08:00

sometimes i think i am not trying hard enough

for my dreams, i would have to believe and strive harder

2011-09-25T13:45:00.003+08:00

just a post for everyone.

take a break today, away from everything

think about what you want in life.

your dreams?

do you have one?

if you don't, how are you moving on all these while?

have a dream and set small goals along the way

that will lead you to your dreams.

put in effort and go all out for it!

be in studies or your future.

think for yourself!

i had a small dream since poly year one

and that was to get into uni for my parents

and also to allow my mum to live a better life

i don't want her to continue living life,

worrying about money, money and more money

and i thought that education is the only way out.

so i strive for it and at times i got lost

but i always found my way back to track

it was tough because i wasn't the A student back then in sac

but now i feel that other than improving her lifestyle,

i also want her to retire asap.

retire in the sense that she will not need to worry about money at all

but she can still work part time just for interest

and so that she wont have to bore herself and coop at home

i want her to be healthy too.

therefore, i will work hard towards my dream(:

hopefully, i can let her retire before or at least by 30.

i will graduate from uni at 24,

lets say i take 3 years to pay all my uni and poly bills

i have 3years more to set up my own family

and also, save to let them retire

2011-09-25T13:27:00.003+08:00

my job for the roadshow officially ended after two weeks

during this time i got to know 12 really nice girls

although the job was really tiring

and it was really difficult to get people to actually sign up for it

but the experiences was good

on the first day of work,

i just casually ask a 80years old uncle if he was interested

and he said no, explaining the reason

he was really long winded

and i thought oh boy, he's going on and on.how?

so i just nod and listen, so as not to be rude

but he came to find me everyday after that

and eventually i was looking forward to meet him everyday

because at times when it gets tiring

taking a break to chat with him feels nice

i don't know will we ever meet again

but i wish for his good health

its kinda sad when i bid him goodbye on the last day of work

results was out on friday

i don't know how everyone did

but don't brood over it if it didn't turn out as expected

it will all be fine and besides, we have one more sem to catch up(:

everyone, enjoy your last two weeks of holidays

put your hands up!

2011-09-12T14:47:00.000+08:00

okay first up, i would like to announce

i got a job!!!say yay for me!!!

daddy turned 55 today.

i pray for you

1. don't eat chicken wing rice almost EVERYDAY! (unhealthy eh)

2. smaller tummy (its freaking big, seriously)

3. body aches away.yay!

had a combined celebration for daddy and jiejie yesterday

lunched at tonkichi and the bill came up to 190+

faints.i need to work and save my $90 back

i knew that tonkichi is kinda ex so i was prepared

but still when i saw my bank balance reduced,

i went AHHHHH.major sadness

the food was nice though

okay, so the portions were really huge

and i dumped half of my food over to my dad

but he was still hungry after finishing my portion!!

which explains his super super big tummy

its like a 5months pregnant woman.i'm not kidding

meeting oli and peiyi tomorrow.like excited only(:

2011-09-10T13:18:00.001+08:00

lalalalalala sing a happy song

lalalalalala smurf you all day long

say hi to my baby, its 2days old(:

caught the 3D last monday.cuteness

mooncake festival is in 2days time.yay!!

although there isn't any snow skin this year

but i'm fine with the traditional ones too

poh kian asked me two days ago

which university do i wanna go

i did not hesitate and gave an immediate answer

but it got me thinking what is the course i really want

i really have no idea but i will start thinking from now on

holidays are starting to get boring

so i'm gonna go for a job interview later on

and hopefully they will hire me

wish me luck!

rain rain go away.

its gonna rain!!!

and i don't like to go out on rainy days

2011-08-31T22:47:00.001+08:00

i did okay for the presentation today

the results were rather clear to everyone in the room

i totally agree with the statement made by mr wong

i'm not disappointed by the performance or anything

cause i said at the start that it wouldn't be me

when all of you thought so

holiday officially begins today for me(:

need to catch up on my sleep

and also try to get a job

2011-08-30T20:34:00.002+08:00

i know the three of us are okay with not getting it

and i know that whatever the outcome is,

we will feel happy for each other

honestly, i hope either of you get it

i have seen you guys putting in so much hard work and commitment

so i think you guys deserved it more than me

and besides i'm on a different platform

which is probably the only reason why i'll be there tomorrow

2011-08-19T22:14:00.006+08:00

today marks the end of 18weeks of fyp

i'm glad that its finally coming to an end

because its really draining all of us out

and we can have our long awaited holiday

but a part of me actually doesn't mind extending

due to the friendships made.

i may have missed out quite a bit of things

because my lab is of a different level

and you guys got much closer during my month stay in china

but i really appreciate the company that i have every day in school

and i know that we will certainly keep in contact

ms chian once said we are the closest batch of fyp-ians ever

and i hope we would remain close.

we will wait for abung to open his shop and cook for us to eat.

specially making malay food vegetarian style

so that siew ting and i can eat(:

we can have our bbq sessions

but please ensure that i have lots of vegetables to eat

and maybe perhaps one day you guys can help siew ting and i

to get over our fears of riding the bicycle.

that is if we are ever willing to hop on one.haha

i chose this path initially because i can do both project and attachment

only to realise after that the chances was almost zero

i didn't had the option of choosing the type of project i want

because research based aren't really suitable for the china trip

as i can't possibly have the same machine in the SIPIVT labs

i accepted the fact unwillingly that i'll be working on programming

but later thought that i should take this opportunity to challenge myself

since i'm always afraid of trying things that are out of my comfort zone

i'm happy to say i did got out of my comfort zone

and challenged myself with the endless problems encountered

and i'm really thankful for having a supervisor

that is willing to guide me whenever i seek for help

not by solving them for me but in his own way

such that gradually, i will be able to solve problems independently

the 18weeks journey of fyp was really a good experience

and the china trip plays an important part of it

whereby i have learnt and grown quite a bit.

good luck to everyone for the final presentation(:

2011-08-14T22:42:00.006+08:00

Just when i felt a little sense of accomplishment

and thought i was able to solve problems independently last week,

i went back into reality during mid week..

And the fact is that i can't but i'm still trying my very best to.

i did manage to convert the entire structure of my VI

into the current one and it works

but when i went back to a VI that i did some time back

to change one of the function into another,

that VI didn't work like how i expected it to be.

it was disappointing cause i was so close to the ending point

and it clearly shows that my codes are right in the sub VI

but when i do highlight execution,

the data failed to come out of the sub VI

i don't know why is that so.

and so because of that, i'm not officially done with my programmes

i hope i'm able to solve them by the end of this week

cause i really do not want to seek help from my supervisor

when he's back from vacation.

i wanna end off this project not disappointing him

cause i think i have already disappointed him enough

even though he says otherwise

2011-08-13T15:38:00.000+08:00

i'm some what done with my programmes

but at the same time not complete yet.

two minor areas not giving me the outcome that i want

got one more week to complete them

along with the report and slides.

9000words.hmm...hahaha

time to be long winded a bit

unlike pbp and research based project

it's certainly more difficult to write 9000words of programming

but i must and will have do it somehow

finally, last week of sem 1(:

2011-08-07T22:55:00.000+08:00

haven't update for quite some time

finally fyp/attachment ending soon

everyone, don't panic if you haven't complete/start on your report

i haven't start too.no worries

although its difficult to churn out 9000 words

but hey, we still have 2 more weeks what(:

i'm learning how to not get so stressed up unnecessarily

hahaha.and i think i have a long way to go

learning how to take things as it is would certainly help me in future

kor kor starting school tomorrow

kinda happy for him

cause although he took a longer route

but he made it eventually

i really hope god would give him the strength

and guide him through this new journey of his life

2011-07-26T23:23:00.000+08:00

week 21; week 15 of fyp.

8 more working days inclusive of tomorrow

till my supervisor leaves for his break

which means i have only 8 days to complete the media mixer

and create the cross flow filter VI

got to try to pick up the pace.chop chop

after which 9 working days for the report and ppt slides

finally reached the last lap.OMG!!!

excited excited.cause i'm really dying from exhaustion):

2011-07-25T22:27:00.002+08:00

i love how you would sing songs to me occassionally

i love how you'll give me surprises when i least expect them

i love how i ended up mirroring your actions unknowingly

i love how you're stuck in my head all the time

i love how i can do nothing and just look at you non-stop

i love how you would just keep smiling at me

i love how cute all your actions are

i love how you would massage for me when my body aches

i love how hugable and warm you are

i love how you would blow air into my ears

i love the times we spent together

i love how you could be so happy easily

such that you will spread the happiness to me

why is it that i love so much things about you?

i want to go for every of your match but i cant

i want to go because i want to be there for you

i want to be there if you ever got injured

i would cry if its serious but i can at least share the pain with you

i could let you grab my hand as hard as you want

i can hug you and try to ease your pain

i can also share your joy when you score

i just wanna be there for you

2011-07-24T20:48:00.001+08:00

ran 5.6km today.

surpass my limit

but couldn't push myself to make it to 6

next week's target 6km(:

been spending almost everyday with chipmunk

and it makes everyday more bearable

i'm glad to have this companion of mine

and i don't want to ever lose it(:

chipmunk, i'm glad you have wonderful people surrounding you

because i will know that you'll be happy

and they will take care of you

but the chipmunk still have to take care of himself arh!

protect yourself on court, eat regularly and try to have more rest.

understand understand understand?

if not, i whack the chipmunk head

and force you to put 10 tomatoes in your mouth at one time.hahaha

must guai guai, listen to xiao fan qie(:

2011-07-20T22:48:00.000+08:00

i get this feeling all the time

i feel like hugging you...

...whenever i see your face

...whenever you do something sweet

....whenever your words touched my heart

...whenever you're tired or have suffered for me

chipmunk, please try to rest as much as you can

my heart will ache whenever i see that you're tired

2011-07-18T22:42:00.000+08:00

chipmunk, sorry that i made you worried

sorry that you had to shed tears for me

next time don't keep things to yourself

call me, i'll answer the phone if i'm not asleep

i'll try not to put no vibration from now on

since its already in silent mode all the time

chipmunk, i'm really thankful that you came into my life

because you've brought so much joy to me

even when you didn't do anything

looking at just your face makes me smile

i could always feel your love

and you have touched my heart umpteen times

i have never met someone as special as you

and treat me as well as you do

although i cant say those 3words, 8 letters yet

but i'm sure the day will arrive very soon

and perhaps your heartbeat will reach the normal, healthy rate

when you hear them(:

2011-07-17T22:51:00.001+08:00

woke up and ran 4km today

met up with linus and co at tampines stadium after which

chat a little before heading to ktm railway

with terrence and chipmunk

took lots of pics.gonna keep them in the album

linus and co went to eat green tea ice cream!!!

right after i intro them.

omg.waiting for my turn too.excited

squirrel hand gestures~

i kinda like it when i sit down with my parents

and talk to them about a certain topic

and they actually approve things

which will make me go whee~

2011-07-14T23:48:00.001+08:00

the chipmunk treat me so well

take such good care of me

but don't know how to take care of himself

hmpt.whack whack chipmunk's head

chipmunk need to drink more water everyday

and protect yourself while playing ball, understand?

if you injured or sick, tomato will sad sad

2011-07-11T22:58:00.001+08:00

chipmunk chipmunk, why are you so cute?

i love every single thing you do

all your actions, like a small kid but yet so adorable

i love how bubbly you are

if you were chubbier, i would pinch your cheek everyday

hahaha.funny it is

we know each other for such a short time

but everything is progressing so fast

and now i wanna have you by my side everyday

although it kinda makes me shy but i wanna intro you to everyone

you're mine mine mine mine mine!!:D

2011-07-08T00:59:00.002+08:00

tonight, i have done too much sins

i really didn't mean to hurt both of you

i think i did too much good deeds last life

to receive all the love and concern from all 3 of you.

all i can do and say is that i'm sorry

i really am.

there's only one me, one heart.

i cant give my love back to all 3 of you.

things will get better as time pass

but for now i'm guilty

one year ten months

neither is it long nor is it short

all i can say is that we will be better off as friends

i once had feelings for you

and i once felt happy with you

for these i'm thankful

and i hope you will find someone more active and cheerful than me

8th july, a jinx day?

2011-07-06T23:35:00.004+08:00

i don't know what i have done to deserve all these

i really hope as time go past

i would be able to accept you

give me 6 months,

if by then i'm very sure that we are suitable for each other

and my feelings for you is true

i'll be yours

because by then our honeymoon period is over

and if we can still be as sweet and happy as ever

we may be able to last for a lifetime

the next obstacle would be to seek consent from my parents

to see if they're agreeable to me being a vegetarian

chipmunk, i'm glad to have known you

fortunate to receive your care and concern

thankful for all that you've done for me

and touched by all your words.hugs(:

2011-07-04T10:30:00.000+08:00

decisions; i think i made up my mind

2011-07-03T22:01:00.000+08:00

back from suzhou, china

overall i think the experiences was really good

got to see many beautiful scenery

i learnt and gained a lot

in terms of the rich culture, history

and also from my new friends(:

although i came back and read something not very pleasing

but i'm still glad to have known all of you

thankful that everyone didn't exclude me

because i was the only from scl

grateful that each and everyone of you taught me something valuable

and saddening that we may never get to see our china friends again

i'm still trying to get used to the weather and the time over here

although there's no differences in time

but the 5plus morning seemed like the 9plus here

so i'm having problems sleeping

i'm missing my noodle stall and my tomatoes

2011-06-05T15:05:00.000+08:00

been really busy this week

rushing from places to places to get everything

so much preparation for just one trip

there's certain stuff that makes me scared

i hope this trip would be fun.better be

2011-05-30T23:04:00.004+08:00

aigoo!!!

my ear piece spoilt again.argh

so fast eh.damn

unlucky or what?

it just had to spoil before i fly.

now i have to get it sometime this week

i think i shouldn't get this type of earpiece anymore

its like my 4th one i think

2011-05-29T23:07:00.000+08:00

the feeling when you tried telling people about it

but nobody understands

edited

when i'm down

i either listen to dance tracks or sad songs

2011-05-28T00:51:00.000+08:00

okay this is the plan

i'm gonna get the limited album.daebak!!

but then after coming back from china

i cannot go shopping for a certain amount of days

like strictly no buying of anything

eg.if i spend sgd $100 in china then i wont go shopping for 154 days.

wah siaoness.hahahahaha

how to tahan?

okay lah okay lah.

i will bear with it.

AHHHHH!

why wasn't i born in june?

if i was i can get it free.hahaha.winks

should i add more commitments to it?hahahaha.

eh seriously, if i don't buy anything for 154days except food

i can save a whole lot of money.woah!

okay set arh set:D

when i come back from china

i'll see a damn chio package on my desk

waiting for me

and then WOAH!

prepared to be amazed by some cool shit

i might frame the shirt up.like seriously

too previous to touch or wear

later my dad go effing iron it like how the OH shirt

i'll scream and just die.

2011-05-27T19:04:00.004+08:00

sometimes i come home

and i have the feeling of getting out immediately

at times i get so angry with my dad

that i just feel like crying

if i can be him for a day or two

and know what are his thought

i really wouldn't mind

i wanna know wth is he thinking.

when the sun set and everyone comes home

feeling all tired and mentally drained

all we want is to rest

or maybe a table of simple home cooked food

but....its either he start cooking at 8

or we have to go and buy

firstly, since i'm alighting at the market

why can't he give me a call

it really sucks to walk all the way home

with a super heavy bag and then go all the way back again

the strain on my back and the usual shoulders aches is no joke

secondly, hello?

you sit there the entire day doing nothing

except to watch shows or play computer games

can't you just do the house chores

its a promise you made 12years ago

but you never do what you say

seriously, at times i really feel like telling you straight in the face

we don't owe you anything

why should we all eventually work our ass off

and support you when all you do is sit there and do nothing

what has mummy ever done to deserve this?

she earns 700 a month

and you spend more than 5k a month

the math clearly shows that hey!!

something is wrong over here

when seagates decided to close its door

and we've this large sum of money

its not for you to spend it like you're some rich man

but remember what you said?

again, you never ever do what you said

you said that you will do some repair stuff in the house

cause its kinda pathetic now

you said that you will pay for our poly fees

so that there won't be interest

and we can slowly pay you back

but nah.looking at the rate you're spending

it should be all gone before next march

you said that you'll buy kor a laptop for uni

since he gave his netbook to me in year 1

you said so much

but you didn't do any.

imagine how much better life would have been

if you freaking had a job

and hang in there, spare a thought for us

and not effing quit just because you're STRESS

its a joke man.

2011-05-26T22:24:00.002+08:00

i want b2st limited edition album!!!

but 54sgd eh.

seriously, its kinda ex

but limited edition leh!!!

ahhh.kill me

buy or don't buy?

54 for an album.goodness.argh

i was watching some videos today

its kinda sad that junseung ain't that close anymore

it sort of reminded me that

many people walk out of your life quite often

and there's just a few that would stay

which is really sad.

like those people were once so close to you

and eventually, all of you just drift apart

2011-05-22T20:02:00.000+08:00

i have this sudden urge to go on a short getaway

like to bali or something

fly fish, banana boat ride and see the dolphins

bbq and stay up till late in the morning

ahhh.i wanna sun tan!!!

2011-05-22T03:06:00.000+08:00

met up with the usuals just now

i don't know why i was so tired today

accumulated over the weeks?

somehow, it feels like we didn't do much today

caught pirates today.

i saw this dress at cine.quite nice eh.

but nah.i shalln't spent

been spending a lot lately

how?think i should start saving.

but i wanna go out with the usuals):

i really would love to go on a cruise with you guys

but 200 is like almost one third of my mum's pay.

mummy started work yesterday

she looked so tired when i came home

her hands had injuries all over

and she commented that the current job is so much more tiring

then i started to feel bad

cause i been going out so much lately

spending so much time with my friends instead of my family

and taking more allowances

then there's fyp

finally gotten two quotations but not for the purity level

they either don't reply or we somehow got rejected.haiz

and then the main project

i don't know.i'm leaving for china in 2 weeks time

and somehow things don't look good

i'm not capable or independent enough yet

the latest addition is the super important and huge data base

but i have totally no idea how to connect stuff

and before that there's tons of research and reading to do

there's so much on my mind lately

that i'm starting to escape from stuff

which really is not gonna work

meeting up with the usuals is like the weekly boost

but today...i'm just not there

i was tired, not involved at times

everything just build up and will become overwhelming at some stage

and that will be the time to cry my heart out to release stress

if i could just lie on your shoulder and talk to you for as long as i want

2011-05-19T23:10:00.000+08:00

i doubt i'll be sleeping anytime soon

quite a bit of work to do

hopefully, i wont doze off during fyp tml

got to do stuff for both of my projects

super tired.project is draining all my energy away

but as much as i wanna sleep,

i wanna complete my work too.

side track a little, i'm so in love with b2st album:D

so on this long and unbearable night/morning,

i'll just listen to b2st to keep me awake.

fiction in fiction~

michelle hwaiting!

last day of the week!!whee~

2011-05-17T00:23:00.004+08:00

b2st comeback!

i really love yoseob and hyunseung's voices

their first full length album is not bad

and 10mins after their songs are released

300plus loyal fans have already listened to their new songs

wow.i'm quite amazed

i personally like 'the fact' and 'lightless' the most

among the other songs

cant wait to see their live performances

on the various music shows(:

okay bedtime now.

sweet dream everyone

so b2st!

2011-05-16T12:40:00.000+08:00

bobble bobble

ahhh!!!!

lunch break.

the programme doesn't want to work like how i want it to

i wanna combine combine

why you don't want?

the project is like a kid, a baby

you tell him/her to do sth and he/she doesn't want to listen

arghhhh.

it just doesn't work!

okay i'm gonna try again

must work okay?

2011-05-09T21:31:00.001+08:00

8 more days to comeback!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

i'm so excited.runs around in circles

no offences to all b2st fans

but erm this picture didn't come out well isn't it?

only dongwoon and hyunseung looks okay

like seriously. they made yoseob eyes so small

the angle of kikwang isn't right too

it doesn't do them justice

but anyway, i still love them!!hehehe

2011-05-08T13:30:00.004+08:00

i've finally completed the state machine

and i'm gonna start on my project tomorrow

bigger challenges coming through

starting with the xml books

i don't read english books like seriously

i'll just end up falling asleep

cause there's so many words!!!

but i do read chinese books

somehow it seems to be more interesting than those english ones

so yeah.i'll try to stay awake reading those xml stuff

and i guess one of the ways to help me survive fyp,

to so called de-stress and relax

is to go out with my poly mates and elvin(:

its like an energy boost

just that maybe i should try to come home earlier.hahaha

cause my mum actually wait up for me last night

actually this morning to be exact

i told her not to the next time

but since i don't know will she listen to me

i shall try to be a cinderella or something

and omg it's sunday already?

so fast!!!i wanna play and rest some more.haha

remember to do elog everyone

2011-05-03T21:22:00.001+08:00

i feel so frustrated with myself.like i'm useless

i cant even solve a problem on my own

i always need hints to solve them

i don't know what's wrong with my solution

there's no broken arrows and the programme accepted my entire VI

but it just didn't work!

the buttons aren't proceeding to execution after being pressed

why?i didn't even make any changes to them

why did it suddenly failed on me

i got a feeling it's something to do with the payment case

but where specifically is the problem?

i tried all sorts of debugging methods

highlight execution, probe tool, step in/over/out

still CAN'T SOLVE!!!!sucks man

and then how to make my for loop do continuous running

there's no such functions or theory in the book

ahhhh.madness

its week 3 and i'm still so lousy in this.crap

i need to somehow get these or i'll just die in china

everyone is making progress in their research

but i'm still struggling with programming

i don't wanna let my supervisor down):

okay back to cracking my brain

i need to solve this!

2011-04-30T15:06:00.009+08:00

week 2 over.super tiring!

i can just fall asleep anytime and anywhere

honestly, i don't think i'm trying hard enough

and i feel bad when i cant solve the problem

like i really wanna go up to my supervisor and say, 'hey, i solved it!'.

i wanna do something well.

but i just haven't reach the stage of being able to think like a comp yet

it's just so frustrating when i cant get things right

like i try all sorts of methods to solve a problem

and it just fail on me.

then when i finally learn the solution,

i'll go ohhhh.0.0

partially cause i dont know there's such functions

but even if i do, i may not have thought of that

AHHH!!!i'm sure i'd be able to solve all the problems myself eventually

just that the process would take time

on a happier note, mummy just found a job(:

although its quite underpaid

but well, at least she's got a job

just have to hang in there for another year

i won't be taking any money from them after graduation anyway

so whatever she earn is pretty much just for both of their expenses

i guess that shouldn't be a problem

for now, we'll just try to save as much as possible

2011-04-25T20:46:00.003+08:00

week 2 of sftp and i feel like i'm gonna die already

i must admit that i really feel like ending it

off course there's the fun side of the project

and i got a really super nice and patient supervisor

but sometimes, i'll just get sick of all the stuff.

and get all frustrated when the programming stuff doesn't work out

although my supervisor would encourage me not to give up

and assure me that it is only normal and common for everyone

but i just miss hanging out with my friends everyday

and certainly without a doubt

they'd have made project much more bearable

ahhhh.kill me

i just met up with them yesterday

and i'm missing them already

maybe we should meet up every week

instead of once every two weeks.hahaha

the four of you better take care of your health arh

all coughing coughing already

especially snoopy

2011-04-17T02:17:00.000+08:00

after today, everyone will be busy with their own stuff

be it attachment or sftp.

but i hope through this period of time

all of us will remember those we had spent lovely times with

oh man.even though i'll be meeting chan chan and all

but still....ahhh!!!

i'm already starting to miss all of you.how how?

hahaha.sadly, the day ended quite fast

i still wanna play bridge!

nvm.we shall all press on and survive the 18weeks.

you guys will pass napfa with silver

and get high high gpa arh.

move on to sem 2 and get your heads shaved after which

hahaha.evil laughter.

jyjy everyone.

i dont ever wanna say goodbye to the four of you

it would be nice if we still meet up at the age of 80

laughing at all the silly moments we once had

i'll probably shrunk and you all can continue laughing at my height:D

i can totally imagine myself crying one year from now during graduation

2011-04-16T00:11:00.000+08:00

last day at cptc

i think the final exam was manageable.

didnt manage to take a pic with mr tay

napfa got postponed once again.oh man

went to run after that with linus, qizhuang, shengda and ignatius

woah.my timing improve from the previous run

which is like 6 weeks ago.hahaha

chat for quite some time before heading home

got sushi and bumped into my bro

such coincidence.ended up having dinner with him

oh i finally saved 1000dollars.woah woah woah

happiness.must continue saving up(:

mahjong session tml.hehe

kinda excited

2011-04-13T22:39:00.000+08:00

no motivation + wasting time = last min panic

2011-04-09T19:18:00.001+08:00

2nd night shift over.woohoo

runs around in circles

basically, we didn't do much

cause the ramping takes time

so when we have more time

we'll end up doing weird/crazy things

hahaha.which is kinda fun

like there was one point azizah and i were doing double stretching

we sat on the ground, feet back to back, joined our hands and go AHHHHHHHHH!!!!

and then mr tay saw and said we got to practice stretching first

cause obviously, we're not those flexible type

i think i was high throughout that period of time but i dont know why

i even show them that i can put my feet on my head.hahaha

but somehow sit and reach is just a no no fail thing.weird

tummy fats?maybe.hahaha

and then me running in circles with ignatius' chair

i could go on and on till i go giddy

but then mr tay saw arh.hahaha.so must stop

somehow when you're spinning, its kinda funny

so you'll go on laughing like mad.its like whee~

i think mr tay first time see me high arh.

then he say why?this one sot liao arh?haha

linus cut his hair.so soft eh

nice to play with.hahaha

he looks more like alex now with his hair short

ahhhhhhhh!!!hahaha.

night shift is fun cause i have the company of 5 of them

and i hope we'll keep in touch after poly(:

gonna go get my luggage for the china trip tml

and qing ming prayers in the noon

2011-04-07T23:03:00.000+08:00

night shift is kinda exhausting

not when you do it, but after that

i fell asleep on the way home while standing

wah power much.

went to bugis with elvin today

claim rewards day

old town for dinner

not bad not bad.its satisfying

its been quite some time since i had prata

night shift again tml.

gosh, we'll survive

2011-04-02T23:43:00.004+08:00

somehow this week seemed to pass by super quickly

shift training gonna begin next week

i'm really ain't looking forward to it.why?

cause i'm not prepared.

i really don't know what's going on

and how to control the situation in the dcs.panic alert

spent the entire day with elvin today

wanted to service my phone in the morning

but apparently, the button of the phones isn't covered under warranty

and the minimum charges is $80

why on earth would i wanna pay 80bucks for a button

when i can stick it back myself?

so i left.wasted my time

head over to ikea next for the meatball pasta

and off course the hot dog bread for lunch

walked around tampines while waiting for my sis

dinner at mapuku.we got scammed!

green tea ice cream afterwich.

went to get tomorrow's breakfast and head home

i kinda like how elvin and my sis spent time tgt like a family(:

anyway, my parents left for malaysia this morning

and mummy has officially left her company

i hope and believe that there'll be a new and better door open for her

2011-03-29T00:26:00.000+08:00

week 4 of CPTC, had mid term paper just now

oh man.i think i just pass only

although mcq was a breeze

but i totally got killed for sect b and c

i dont know how to do a lot of questions

one line answers so yeah.gg

i wondered why is it that

i always have to take so much longer than others to memorise stuff

seriously, i need to find a solution to this problem

or else i'll just suffered and struggle with stuff

man.how i wished i had such good memory skills

cause when everyone is done studying and slacking away

i'm still going OMG!

2011-03-25T23:58:00.000+08:00

disappointed

2011-03-24T00:16:00.000+08:00

i dont like how little time we have with each other nowadays

2011-03-22T23:54:00.005+08:00

results out today

sometimes i wondered why is it that

others work so hard

but yet they're unable to achieve what they want

and me being less hardworking managed to get otherwise

i'm not trying to show off

but instead i think that i really dont deserve it

i dont understand things

i just die hard memorise

which really isnt the way to success

and i certainly wouldnt survive uni if i'm heading for one

with so much more content to cover

and stuff that requires more understanding and higher level of difficulty

i've been thinking through some stuff during classes

do i really wanna continue in this field

honestly, i dont feel like

but if i can pursue a degree

i'll still continue in this field though

contradicting?i dont know.

2011-03-20T22:35:00.001+08:00

somehow CPTC seems to be more exhausting this week

with just one day of rest, week 3 is starting tomorrow

woke up early today to go to temple with my mum

prayed for my bro's safety

airport in the evening to send the bro off

it was so packed.

he wont be back till 8th april early morning

i would be in the midst of night shift then

and he's gonna call back to check on my results.oh man

yeah anyway, din din at T3 after that

i should start on the log book soon

ahhh.why does the day go by so fast

i want another day of rest

2011-03-17T23:08:00.000+08:00

i did a really mean thing today

i said things that shouldn't be said

although i didn't mean it

and it was just a casual remark

its still isn't very nice of me to do so

even though others misunderstood me

i guess its okay cause firstly i gotten used to it

and secondly, its okay.

since those that know me well enough didn't.

as much as i regret saying what i've said

and i really wish i could take back whatever i said

but i can't.what's done is done

i feel guilty and bad towards him

although he didn't take it to heart

he knew it was a casual remark and wasn't affected by it at all

but somehow there's just this feeling of guilt in me

as time goes pass everyone will forget this matter

but i hope i wouldn't.

why?cause i hope i would be able to treat others with more kindness

i need to learn to change.

think before i speak

so that i wont hurt others' feelings unknowingly

horrible me.i shouldn't have done this to someone so nice

i'll change for the better

2011-03-13T23:39:00.001+08:00

week 1 of cptc has ended

5weeks to go(:

kinda gotten used to cptc life

just that the theory is really gonna kill

somehow the lectures are just so exhausting

perma falling asleep anytime mode

anyway, had dinner with elvin on tues

lets hope that there will be good weather on wed(:

now that i take the train almost everyday

i have been seeing qinghua a lot lately

kinda missed sac days with her

we're like forever singing during lab sessions.haha

sometimes we just wish for a time machine

not to be greedy and return to the past permanently

but you know like how doraemon does it

a short moment.how nice

2011-03-06T20:28:00.000+08:00

after such a big dramatic night

i woke up with super distorted eyes

i've nothing to say regarding that matter

but i just hope that everyone will forgive and forget

after all, we're a family.isn't it.peace

due to major sadness and attempts to cry as softly as possible in bed

i texted the bf without remembering the date.oops

and i only remembered few hours ago

when the bf said so.guilty.hehe

anyways happy a year and a half lovely:P

2011-03-04T23:56:00.001+08:00

napfa got postponed):

i wanted to get over and done with it

but oh wells

went running with azizah after the briefing

i mean like since we already brought our stuff

might as well go run right.haha

i hope from now till next next april

i would be able to meet up with the bf once a week

my dad have been wasting money for the past two days

getting a tv for my bro so that my grandma can used his is fine

since hers have been giving her lots of problems

but then why every room must have a tv?

so he bought 2 televisions, 1 dvd player and a computer

haiz....when seagates shut downs,

i wondered how will he spent the money

2011-03-04T00:39:00.000+08:00

went out with elvin today

caught i am number four

not bad.quite like it

causeway theater's air con is always super strong

it was raining and we couldn't go over to rp

so no childhood lollipops

i wouldn't have time to go woodlands until year 3 sem 1 ends

so yeah.went to orchard afterwhich

walked around to look for accessories

but didn't saw any nice ones):

had shih lin's mee sua before heading home

the oyster wasn't very fresh.

i probably would stop craving for it

its not that nice anymore

one more down from my food list(:

napfa later.i hope i pass.haha

2011-03-03T03:07:00.000+08:00

last paper just now, it was manageable

slept at 5.45 just to study for the exam

and i didnt even completed the syllabus by then

anyway, hope that the overall can get a B+

went to macs with the class

to eat the cupcakes given by jeevan

running after that.

i wonder did the cupcake or my breathing caused my stitches

but whatever it is, my timing deproved from last week

not sure if its due to the environment or the stitches

so yeah.i quite like the feel of running at the field alone

like there's nobody there

as if you own the place and there's like so much freedom

met up with the rest afterwhich

and headed to beach road to get our boots

apparently size 5 is the smallest and its like a little big

they should have come up with a size 4

satay, stingray and chicken chop for dinner

the stingray wasn't as good as ecp

they kinda fried it such that it becomes kinda chewy

which isnt a very good thing.oh well

chat a while then ignatius went home

and then its card games time again with qz and linus

i hope after we graduate

we can still hang out like this

late nights, chatting and dinner(:

i really dont want year 3 to start so soon

there's so much uncertainty and fear

2011-03-01T16:43:00.000+08:00

7years from now

i'll look back and see how many secondary school friends

am i still keeping contact with

not those hi bye kind

but those that will really be there for you and stuff

10years.

how many 10years can a friend be there with you?

if there's ever one or two.

treasure them.they're the priceless treasure

2years since we've graduated

being busy isn't an excuse

start contact them now(:

2011-02-28T23:42:00.000+08:00

i wanna watch so many movies

seriously, there are many nice ones currently

looking at the story lines and trailers

these movies seemed really nice and interest me

but then again it may be deceiving

like how some movies have really good trailers

but the actual movie sucks ttm

yeah you get what i mean

anyway, i'll watch all of them after the exams

hopefully.

yeah i wanna watch

-black swan

-i am number 4

-finding mr. denstiny

-the man from nowhere

2011-02-27T19:16:00.000+08:00

i'm gonna die

rs = ahhhhhhhhhs

2011-02-27T11:22:00.000+08:00

rs rs rs!!

omg.i think i'm gonna flunk it

like seriously.ahh

panic.

2011-02-26T10:42:00.001+08:00

kill me.argh!

2011-02-24T23:51:00.006+08:00

sometimes when we slow down our pace

and look up at the sky occasionally

we'll see the beauty of the night sky

and when i notice a star that stands out

it makes me smile

personally, i think stars are really pretty

and it somehow makes you feel calm

tonight i look at a star for quite some time

and i thought to myself

currently, how many people in the world

is actually looking at this same very star with me?

how many smiles have this star bought to humans?

how many would be filled with content just by looking at it,

thinking; 'hey, i'm fortunate to be alive to look at the night sky'

will it bring hope and comfort to people who are less fortunate?

we should learn to appreciate our surroundings

cause what we classified as insignificant

can actually mean the entire world to others

2011-02-22T20:05:00.001+08:00

dear michelle,

why are you so lazy?

don't you want to do well

and get yourself into a local university?

why aren't you studying?

there's totally a lack of effort from you

you don't look like you want it anymore.

with your current laziness, last minute studying

how are you going to get into that course?

can you even make it into the university?

you're so disappointing.

what happened to you this sem?

no motivation.nothing

can't be bothered anymore?

complacent?you're mediocre to be.

don't be a hopeless, good for nothing daughter/person.

stop slacking, you must do your mum proud.

wake up man!

love, michelle

2011-02-21T20:25:00.000+08:00

so did i missed the deadline?

i hope i didn't.

2011-02-19T23:50:00.000+08:00

really feel like giving up):

2011-02-19T15:12:00.000+08:00

i'm gonna screw up my math paper

i'm not those high A student trying to complain

about how bad its gonna be

and then score super high

you see i screw up my CT and project which is 45%

and i'm not even sure if he have included our class test 1 in it

but whatever the case even if i would to score 80 for my exam

i cant even get a B

well, unless they do moderation

but then the thing is i wont cause A

so even if they moderate, i still wont get a B

i dont understand statistics honestly

its like huh?question marks everywhere

damn it.my gpa is going to drop back to where i started

at the end of the day, what's the point of everything?sadness

2011-02-17T23:33:00.000+08:00

met up with elvin yesterday to celebrate vday :D

waited for him at paya lebar and trained to clementi for lunch

we skipped dinner and scrapped the waraku plan

cause the portion for lunch was way too much

its pretty worth it.

went bugis to find our watch after that

and there's this stall that sells the exact design as the one we saw online

so we got it.hehe

so hard to take out arh.but i know how now

cause elvin figured out different ways for me

no strength plus i scared my nails break.haha

like one vain only.

train back and sat at pasir ris park till 8plus

sea breeze.nice.i like

just sit there and relax

observe the cats that kept walking past you

occasionally tickling you with their tail

see how the leaves react to the direction of the wind

and look up at the clouds.so soft and cotton like

it feels kinda nice.so its good to live nearby after all

although we didn't do much

but i like how we spent the time tgt(:

2011-02-15T00:22:00.000+08:00

僕の初恋をキミに捧ぐ

i wanted to watch this movie when it was out last oct/nov?

cant rmb exactly when but yar anyways

due to some reasons i didn't caught it in the end

and....i watched it just now

omg so sad.if you all like koizora

i guess you guys will like this too

its sth similar in terms of plot

but there's still a little bit of differences here and there

if koizora has a crying rate of 5, this probably has 3

btw the little boy who act as takuma is really cute.hahaha

yar yar.go watch it if you all like those kind of love story.hehe

2011-02-10T21:11:00.002+08:00

i started on chapter 6 at 3

and its few minutes past 9

and i'm still at chapter 6

i just cant remember theory based stuff

someone, please save me!!!

i'm dying here

why did someone created books?

for the knowledge of mankind?

but with the presences of knowledge and schools

we are in this situation of studying non-stop.

getting all deprived of happiness

whats our ultimate goal in life?

to just study, get our butts into a university

do even more studying

and earn money in the future?

thats not the life i want.

but thats reality, we have no choice

we're living in a paper society.

its all about certs certs certs

bullshit to those who said skills will be helpful

they wont even consider us when we don't have a cert.

its a beautiful world that we're living in

but for this particular part about certs and education

being the only way out to a better quality of life

its pathetic!

thats why the 3rd world people are in such disadvantages

along with all the other reasons we learnt in secondary days

argh.paranoid

2011-02-09T21:23:00.000+08:00

think i'm getting old

i'm getting tired so easily nowadays

and my neck and shoulders are aching

i dont know

sometimes the type of music we listen to

will somehow affect our mood

i have 4 chapters of achem to complete

and also revise the previous three

cause i studied those like super long ago

but like no mood now.how?

i have to start soon.

i study very slow one eh.

2011-02-07T01:31:00.000+08:00

i'll survive this week

yes, i will.

pray for me everyone

cause i'm dying here

with swp assignment, sp presentation and journal

and two common tests.

screwed.

2011-02-03T23:57:00.000+08:00

reunion dinner at our house ytd

jiaxin so cute.3years old already(:

but she's still very shy

she came over and requested to watch mr bean on okto

hahaha.so the entire family watched with her

funny much.the food was good

the yam paste and fruit salad was the best

but there's too much food.so there was a lot left.kinda wasteful

we were serving people practically three quarter of the time

so time somehow went by pretty fast

elvin loves yam paste but too bad he didnt come over

i wonder will it ever be possible for him to come over for CNY

he's always away for the two days of new year

and eve is practically helping out here and there

ate only one meal today

but its steamboat, so the portion is like the same arh

caught it's a great great world in the morning with my family

its nice.i cried super badly at the fourth and last story

plus the mini touching/sad parts

my bro was laughing at me after the movie ended up

evil meanie.oh and just like last year.

we had the entire theater to ourselves.

gonna wake up at 6.30 tml

prayers in the morning, followed by lunch at tampines

cant wait to wear my new dress(:

2011-01-31T22:18:00.000+08:00

you see the thing is that, i don't like to be rushed

and i really don't like to be off schedule

yes, we should be flexible with matters

but provided that particular change is reasonable and necessary

if its not, then its kinda annoying how the schedule have to be disrupted

i really don't like this feeling

i feel abandoned

edited

i really dislike how things progress today

i want to just end it and go to bed

cry my heart out and sleep

waking up to a brand new day tomorrow

when i heard the news, i reacted just fine

but slowly as i thought of it

i feel like crying

2011-01-30T14:24:00.007+08:00

was flipping through my file of certs and whatsoever

and its kinda amusing with all the stuff i found

it brings back lots of memories

i realised....

-i was so cute when i was much younger.what happened?

-i look mixed blood when i was younger

-i have 'michelle is a dilligent/hardworking girl' and 'she needs to improve her english' all over my report books

-i look like i'm gonna cry but yet fierce and unwillingly to take my kidergarten grad pic

-i still find the guy i had a crush on in K1 cute.

-i had difficulties with the performances category of my classical dance meaning the expression, interpretation and communication of the dance

-music was my strength for both classical and character dance

-i was better in character dance than classical

-i got a high distinction for grade 2 ballet (think i was 3rd after raquel and magdalene)

-i was 149cm in sec one and stopped growing after sec 3.sadness

-my weight was 50.7 in sec 4.wth.eat what sia

-i had 162.25hrs of CIP.woah.enthu much

-i scored 10 pathetic marks for D&T for CA1 and 26 for overall in sec 1

-history was my best subject followed by chinese

-my R5 was 38 in sec 4

-my sit and reach was perma 33cm every year

i have all sorts of weird certificates

and i'm an entomologist

i rmb how i freaked my science teacher out

while trying to get that badge

i bought 10 insects to school and i think maybe 7 of it was dead.hahaha

i threw all of them in the bin outside my class after that

the cleaner probably got a shock too

although teachers' comments isn't very reliable at times

but i can see the differences in me as i grew up

from the first comment in nursery, michelle is a talkative girl

to the quiet, soft spoken and lack of confidences in p6

to display leadership, responsible and dilligent in sec 4

primary school were all comments of my english and how dilligent i am

secondary were all about leadership and how weak my studies is

i guess i was more lovable but yet annoying at times when i was younger.haha

2011-01-29T01:48:00.001+08:00

today was pretty eventful

though it didn't start off well

went buffet with linus and all

to celebrate qizhuang's birthday

second time hearing such low singing

reminds me of noel days

i think we ate a lot.

some of the food was good

i want to eat sushi buffet again

but then ex arh.hahaha

cannot eat too often.

some more eat so much.will fat sia

caught the green hornet after that

the heels at cine were really pretty

but nah.got to control

went to the orchard central rooftop after that

its really nice up there

and i got so fascinated by all the lights along the way

its so pretty.i want to have colourful lights in my house next time

monopoly deal and then home

i did lots of dumb actions on the way home.sadness

2011-01-27T20:44:00.003+08:00

at the rate i'm eating

i going to die of fatness.hahaha

like seriously.fat die me

i need to maintain my weight at 45

or else my tummy will bulge out like a hippo again

i've been eating a lot.like really

and then there's CNY next week

omg.all the never ending good food.faints

i'll eat first and lose the fats later.like after CNY?hahaha

anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY QIZHUANG!!!!

went out with elvin yesterday

i cant find my NLD33):

i guess i wont buy it then

since its kinda costly for one

i can buy like 7 from other brands

there's never ending stuff that i wanna buy

but then.....got to control.

carrot juice is love.my all time fav drink(:

wont be meeting elvin till 16th feb

so long.i realised how time flies

and soon, i'll be in jurong island.crap

sorry that i broke down all of a sudden last night

but i'm glad that you were with me

2011-01-24T23:29:00.002+08:00

south canteen sells fruits salad

say what?i so happen to saw it today

and yum yum.happy girl siol

azizah claim that i'm like a small kid while eating it

actually thats nothing special about it

but the thing is that

it has apples and tomatoes!!!my favourites(:

i wanted to try the muffin for my dinner

but this guy in front of me bought the last two

STEALER!!!and there wasn't any bread left

sad or what.i don't have anything to eat

it was only 4pm arh.and i was half an hour earlier than usual.BOO!!

the sem is ending and in a few weeks time,

my clique will be separated.

i'm glad i still have azizah and cecilia with me till graduation

but still....i don't like separations

we still haven't had our picnic~

2011-01-23T17:13:00.001+08:00

my group can't find any articles for sp at all

and we're still at no. 4

seriously, there isn't any reports on chemical disasters

so somehow we're supposed to churn out 4more by week 17?

rs final e-assignment sucks ttm

or maybe i'm just a noob shit in rs

my percentage is simply pathetic.

finally got to relax a little this weekend

but after the coming week

it will be busy bumble bee again

with CT and CNY coming

i cant wait for the 2nd day of cny.hahaha

i want to wear my new polka dot dress.pretty ttm(:

went out with my sis today to relax and stuff

hehe.i love my nails now

omg i just love polka dots so much

everytime i see sth that has polka dots

i feel like buying it

but nah.got to control.seriously

i need to save.i still haven't reach the 700mark

david archuleta's songs brightens up my mood.sways

now i know why azizah love him so much.haha

2011-01-19T23:05:00.001+08:00

another year has passed

i'm getting old.haha

thanks to those for your wishes

and also to those for all the presents

really appreciate all of them

i was really touched by azizah and cecilia

though i didnt show it

i was really surprised.like honestly

but i shy arh.so i never say anything.haha

went out with elvin today to celebrate

dinner was okay but the desert was damn nice

like seriously.we're going back soon to try others

went to buy my present before that

damn ex.hahaha.but i like leh.hehe(:

i hope all my wishes come true.cross fingers.haha

2011-01-16T23:54:00.003+08:00

i feel bad

i woke up this morning

and found a birthday card beside my laptop

it's the first birthday card i received from my sis

she always mentioned how cute and sweet i was

to draw her birthday cards when i was a little kid

which i stopped doing so now.

although my drawings were really distorted and ugly

she thinks its cute and thoughtful.

i wanted to thank her when she's back

but i forgotten all about it

cause i was researching on achem stuff

when she came home.

now that i'm packing in the dark

my laptop light shone onto her card

and then i remembered but she's asleep already

i love surprises cause i never gotten much

it doesnt have to be those really big ones

it may seems cliche but really its the thought that counts

it wasn't one of the most encouraging message i received from her by far

but it's the unexpected thoughtfulness of her

that made it special

so perhaps i should wake up a little earlier tml

and offer her a hug

cause i never did.

2011-01-16T00:20:00.001+08:00

this is the first sat that i didn't do any work at all

went out with my family for lunch

and then to choose my cake

went chinatown with my siblings afterwhich

to get all the CNY decorations

and also to tailor make my bro's clothes

the tailor went 37 32 28

and my reactions was, 'kor, if you're a girl.cmi max'.

my bro and sis kept quarreling over all sorts of stuff

which is kinda irritating

i just kept quiet and follow them throughout

sometimes i wonder, how did they grew up tgt?haha

had dinner at tampines.

my dad wants to dine at jack's place

but i wanted to eat at the coffee shop near my house.

like maybe order chilli crab.nice.

we went jack's place in the end

i ate a lot.like seriously

there were like so much fats on the meat.sick sia

i think i'm gonna gain weight soon.boo!!

on the bus ride home, i thought through some stuff

another year has passed, what have i done?

it seems like i haven't achieve much

it's just studying, studying and more studying

pathetic much.

i don't know how long more would it take

for me to realise my purpose in life

but i'll continue searching(:

for now, i'll just try my best to get into ntu

and hopefully, all my classmates too

2011-01-13T23:15:00.001+08:00

had only two hours of sleep

if i had known that the test format would be that simple

i wouldn't have studied so hard.

but i guess its okay.

by studying this topic now,

we won't struggle with so many topics during CNY

or else too much modules and topics

how are we gonna study finish in that two days

supposed to do achem lab report today

but we didn't.we were busy eating and chatting away.haha

as much as i assure you that you do shine in your own ways

if you're going to think that you're just ordinary

and you're gonna kept putting yourself down

no matter what i say won't help

you're good.you really are.

and you must believe in yourself

i hope through year 3, you will overcome your fears(:

its always easy to see others' strengths

but its difficult to find your own whenever you search within

not knowing what it is, doesn't mean you're not good

it just meant that you have yet to develop or show it

and i'm searching for my strengths...

2011-01-13T01:54:00.005+08:00

i'm still awake

things changed over night

so much for thinking what to choose

i didn't have a choice in the first place

and its scary when you don't have a choice

honestly, i'm really afraid of fyp

but i'll get by it somehow

i'm sure i'll learn a lot during this journey

but i really have no confidences in scoring well for this at all

programming, something so foreign

after the briefing today

i somehow felt that gosh, we're really growing up

all along it was just a moving on to a next stage of life sort of thing

it wasn't a thing that needed to be thought through

year 3 is really different

we're going out there, out of our comfort zone

i may not have a chance to go for attachment

if mr liew can't find a company that is willing to take me in for 6 weeks

and if thats the case i would have to extend my fyp

i sure hope i'll get to go to a company

cause its very different out there

and i want to experience it

P&IC test tml.

hopefully, i'll be able to get it

integral action is really confusing.

btw HAPPY BIRTHDAY RUYING(:

2011-01-11T21:21:00.004+08:00

fumble tumble over presentation

i think i was too nervous or perhaps not enough sleep

my brain just cant seemed to link my script

ugh.its over.shall do better for the final ppt

need to go school super early tml to settle my fyp stuff

super busy.things are kinda complicated now

and i really don't know if i should do the project that was given to me

there's so many questions that i need to ask mr liew

i don't know if i have other options

or am i supposed to just do what the lecturers chose for me

so yeah.confusing much

as much as mr christof assured me that he'd give me all the help i need

i'm afraid that programming would be difficult for me to handle

all the long codes that doesn't seem to make any sense to me

and also about what raina mentioned

i doubt i'd be able to produce my work like hers

decisions and preparations are really making me doubt my choice

i'm really starting to regret choosing fyp

i don't know somehow i find that its tougher

like attachment is a very straightforward thing

whereas fyp it really depends on you

if you don't get it or just ain't up to standard, thats it

but if i would to do fyp

i think i really will experience a lot under the guidance of the lecturers

however, i would lose out in the aspect that mr chua mention

both has its pro and cons

just that attachment would be more of a comfort zone as compared to fyp

so now that i'm not in my comfort zone

i hope i would be able to choose a topic that i would be interested in

2011-01-09T23:12:00.002+08:00

i'm tired from expectations

i was never a brilliant student from the start

so why are there so much expectations then?

expectations from lecturers, peers, parents and myself

i was the last few in the cohort each year back in sac

i spend three quarter of my time doing cca stuff instead

i assume prefects and council as a cca

two ccas.everyday i have cca

i didnt bothered much to study

last minute studying led to F9 for all my subjects except languages

somehow i made it through o levels by being hardworking

and somehow i came this far by being hardworking

and i admit at times it really gets tiring

and i just totally slack off.

thus, i'm still not a perfect A student.obviously

but just because my gpa improved

just because i'm got into DL twice

expectations started falling onto me

define not putting in enough effort for a normal student

when that particular students fails?

it used to be that case for me

but now define not putting in enough effort for me

when i dont get an A.

i'm not smart.i've repeated this phrase so many times

but still...people expect so much of me

i'm super competitive and i always want to do better

i'm forever competing with myself

i may not have put in 100% to studying

but whatever results i got

i dare say i did put in my effort and have tried my best

so stop expecting so much of me

i'm disappointed in myself and that's enough

i dont need external help in making me feel worse

2011-01-07T23:43:00.001+08:00

kinda disappointed with math results

although i kinda expected it to turn out this way

but still i cant help it but to feel disappointed

i seriously feel that this sem's math is difficult

it's rather confusing at times

i was reading through mrs cheong's sms just now

she have so much faith in me since sec 3

but somehow i can never do well enough

to repay all that she has done for me

i wanted to get A for all my math modules in poly

and even to take advanced math

so that i can say to myself

hey, you did it!math is not your weakness.

you're no longer the last in class for math

i wanted to show mrs cheong that she didn't waste all her efforts to try to nurture me as a student

i wanted my results to be a reward for her

but then with the B that i have

i may not be able to do so anymore

what went wrong?my project?CT?both?

2011-01-03T22:29:00.000+08:00

its been a week since i fell sick

3days of fever, a day without voice

3days with a super irritated throat

that turn me into a noisy, coughing freak

as much as i want to minimize the coughing and noise

cause its a disturbance, i cant.

i cant stand this irritating and embarrassing self

i want to get well soon:(

i hate buses now

cause of the amount of passengers

i feet bad towards everyone

so the more i try to hold back the urge to cough

the more i cough.

then shouldn't i just cough out whenever i feel like?

NO.cause its noisy and such a turn off.

if only i can wake up tomorrow and just recover totally

2010-12-31T19:08:00.000+08:00

if i'm not wrong i never ever wrote a new year resolution

i always see people having all sorts of ridiculous one

either its impossible to achieve or its not practical at all.

so i wont be having stuff like oh i wish to grow tall and stuff like that

i'm gonna be realistic

1. have the drive and discipline to study

2. give it my all for fyp and attachment (i need a 4)

3. try not to complain so much

4. learn to be more positive (smile)

5. everyone including me to be healthy

is it okay?realistic?practical?

hmm....

2010-12-30T10:29:00.003+08:00

spent christmas with the family at buddy hoagies

super full.almost died eating

went out with elvin on tues

but i wasnt feeling well the entire day

so my face was like expressionless

kinda felt bad cause we didnt played frisbee in the end

all we did was sat down and chat

i thought he was rather sweet

cause he took care of me and kept asking if i was okay

i was really cold and he had to try to keep me warm

i thought i got better yesterday since my temperature was 36.8

but suddenly at 5 it increased till 38.1.argh

my temperature this morning is fine

its pretty cold.not sure if i'm meeting natassia for lunch

waiting for her to wake up and get back to me

supposed to head down katong for laksa with my sibling today

but my sis last minute have science dept meeting

so its postponed to tomorrow

i wanna get well soon cause i cant eat so much stuff

which is really troublesome

hopefully i'm better 100000x tomorrow so i can eat my laksa(:

2010-12-24T22:32:00.002+08:00

celebrated christmas with elvin on wed

dinner at breeks.thought my pasta was kinda nice

and dessert was simply fattening

walked over to mbs

the stitch drawn by him was cute

it made me smile(:

met up with linus and qizhuang today at redhill

lunch before heading to qizhuang's house

played monopoly deal

and hilarious things kept happening

especially the moment when we heard mister

hahaha.its so funny.i just had to tease linus

i dont know why i kept hitting my head today

too engrossed in laughing that i started falling everywhere

went over to the central after that to accompany them get their gifts

ahhh...stitch is so cute

i thought that i would graduate

and not keep in contact with any of my poly mates

cause somehow we just never got closer

but its starting to change lately

i'm sure i'll miss them when we move on with our lives

the clique, linus, shengda, qizhuang, ignatius, yuan bao and zainul(:

christmas is nearing(:

2010-12-21T23:58:00.000+08:00

met up with council on monday

but only half came

had astons and ate dessert

the waffles was nice, the ice cream was okay

went out with linus, shengda and qizhuang today

it rained for a while that got me thinking about the picnic next week

played frisbee.i like(:

cause shengda was so funny

its like a slow motion clip all the time

dinner was good

the stingray was better than the one i ate previously with elvin

super full.maybe we should have ordered lesser satay

might be meeting them again this friday(:

2010-12-18T23:31:00.001+08:00

my two weeks break officially starts tml

went back to school to submit the placement form on fri

met elvin to catch narnia and get his christmas present

had wanton mee.wanted elvin to try

and apparently, i forgotten to tell him that how things work

so he actually bought the 4dollars portion

so much can.the ice cream shop is gone

my green tea ice cream~ ):

the christmas lightings weren't as magnificent as previous years

but still...it got me getting excited over christmas

its so pretty.all the different colours of lights

seriously, i want to have many different coloured lights in my future house

i was kinda sleepy today and my sis had to drag us out

she was like pestering us non-stop

cause she needs to get stuff for her taiwan trip

she's leaving tml and i'm so jealous

i wanna go taiwan and shop.ahhh!!!!

yeah so we followed her to bugis and tampines

she was like dying in heels.haha.cmi

she bought a handbag for her trip

its kinda nice.hahaha

oh and i went to check out the prices for the nail polishes

that linus got me from korea

its like more than two times of korea arh.

but i really love the colours linus got me(:

so i might consider buying them again.hehe

2010-12-13T08:37:00.001+08:00

ultimately, its your choice

2010-12-10T20:00:00.000+08:00

i decided to give things up

i'm not disappointed

cause all along i knew there wasn't a chance

2010-12-10T19:55:00.003+08:00

few months back, i have never ever considered fyp

i only wanted to do pure attachment.why?

money perhaps.not a lot but better than nothing

can save up to pay back my school fees

but also, i want to do well and try to you know impress the people

or at least leave a good impression

so that perhaps after education, i can apply for a job

if i like the environment and the company's politics

but then now when it comes to the point of choosing

i chose fyp instead.why?

i dont know.i just felt that attachment was too long

and if i can try something new then why not?

the only thing i was afraid was that

maybe i wont do well in fyp

but then i decided to just try

even though i wish they can have 2mths of fyp and longer attachment

cause of what my family and mr liew said

i was so called assured that it would be fine as long i work hard

so i was fine with the decision until today

i'm starting to have doubts again

will i really be fine with this route?

i mean like there's nothing i can do about it now

but then....you know.humans being humans

cant stop being worried right?

i know i'm not good in designing

neither do i have the creativity and innovation of izzah

neither do i have the IT skills of ignatius

neither do i have both of their brains

yeah yeah.dont compare.i know

but see....i feel so small.

i didnt meant physically alright(:

now all i have to do is wait and see

do they want me to do programming or designing

then i'll try my very best to do well

and maybe pester the lecturer everyday

oh another thing is i dont think i can handle advanced math man

i cant even handle statistics.

permutation and combination are annoying.like really

its so confusing

2010-12-07T16:52:00.000+08:00

falling sick

dont know which route to choose

so many things to do

i'm glad that i didn't let mr chua down

but then again i'm just meeting my so called expected grade

it has come to a point

whereby getting good grades is a norm to lecturer's eyes

which means my hard work doesn't mean anything now

so whats next?

i'm only working hard if i'm getting distinctions?

please don't think so highly of me

there's a clear line between being smart and being hardworking

sometimes things are better left unsaid

2010-12-04T20:55:00.000+08:00

woke up super early today

cause we're gonna get christmas presents for each other

went tampines to buy my facial stuff first

then we had lunch at MOF bugis

green tea ice cream.my favourite

not one of the best but still super happy.hehe(:

shopped around bugis for my christmas present

i got two tops and one bag.happy

like nice only.haha

but i spent $40.90 on myself today

eee....haha.means i cant shop anymore

until i save $300.woah

that will take probably three to four months

hahaha.best sia.oh wells.